The Ohio Valley Crud & Why I’ll Never Be A Supermodel
Don’t let this cute blue glob of joy fool you, he is what represents to me the OHIO VALLEY CRUD – the face of the germ which enters the body if you live in Louisville, Kentucky and torments your life. The little blue mucus ball will give you chills, cough, sore throat, headache, nausea, the poopies, and much much worse other stuff.
I’m sick, I can make run on sentences and get away with them today. OK? The only think that would make me feel better is being in bed, covered in a huge blanket, and being slowly sang to sleep by Manu Bennett. Since Manu is busy with filming Arrow right now, and is 800 million miles away, I’ll go with the more realistic option – I’ll sing to myself.
…. and for now, fuck the soft kitty song. I’m not Sheldon, although I should be more like him., Hell, he sanitizes the sanitizer before he uses it. Me, well apparently I go where the germs go and just put them in my mouth like I am a germ eater. Seems I am a germ magnet, or some germ country club where germs go to hang out and do what they want for a while.
I’m at lunch at work right now, lunching. I have to work two more hours and then I can go home and not have to deal anymore with working. I can go to bed, lay there, and perhaps drink a nice huge cup of something 9000 degrees.
Just an FYI, I’m sick. Now if you will excuse me I have to go back to work again, and then go into the freezing cold to my car, and get pneumonia and die in the process.
Jake “The Germ-Eater” Wheat
PS. Oh, I’ll never be a supermodel because I don’t care because I’m sick. PFFFFT!