Taking life for granted is easy to do, when you feel like life is wanting to be taken for granted.  ”I’m overworked, so fuck it I’ll just ……,” I say.  Yeah, insert anything you want in the dots, and you will find that it’s appropriate.

I have decided to make an incredible life change which starts today, recognizing that I have let myself go beyond belief, with no excuse but to fix it or end up dead.  End of story.  Here is the truth, from me, quite honestly – and nothing anyone can say can change it, and if you comment or judge me on it – then your a dickhead.

1. My addition to food:  I have a food addiction, it’s horrible.  I am never full, and shovel in food when I am stressed out as a coping mechanism.  I enjoy flavors, and most importantly, bulk.  I frequent fast food, and order enough food for two or three people, eat, and then suffer or eat more later in the day.  There are times where I will eat so much, that I have to throw it up, because it upsets my stomach.

A typical order for me at Taco Bell is not only memorized, but all too common:  I get a #9 combo (three tacos), with a large Pepsi for the drink.  I order TWO extra hardshell tacos, a seven layer burrito with extra guacamole, and then a Mexican pizza.  In all, that is 2,400 calories in ONE meal.  It gets much worse, as a sitting at Wendy’s can equal a DOUBLE cheeseburger, large fry, large drink, and ANOTHER single hamburger – which exceeds the daily intake of calories one should have period.  Additional stress to my body is added when I stop off to get candy bars, chocolate milk, and other items which I gorge on often before I get OUT OF THE GAS STATION from which I purchased them.  If I continue this route, I am going to die.

I also smoke, heavily.  I smoke either Camel Menthol or Marboro Menthol and when I smoke it’s usually in a chain of three or four cigarettes.  I do not smoke a lot at home, but rather at work on break, or TO or FROM work in the car  - one right after the other.  I smoke until my lungs hurt, and often during the day I will not eat – and so when I smoke, I smoke too much causing myself to gag and then I end up dry heaving, wanting to vomit – and either I do or I just dry heave until it stops.  If I continue this route, I am going to die.

I have been to the medical clinic twice now due to being sick, and both times my blood pressure was so high the clinic wanted me to go to the Emergency Room of our local hospital because I was “above stroke level,” and yet – here I am 300lbs, eating like I have a tapeworm, and smoking like a yellow haired compulsive dobbing paper in a bingo hall.  I AM AN IDIOT, and if I continue this route I am going to die soon.

So one sets goals at this point of reflection, and says to oneself – SELF – you’re a fucking idiot.  If you don’t change your ways, your body is going to give out, and you are going to kick the fucking bucket.  Again, so one sets goals, and here are mine.  However, goals have a purpose and one must MUST dangle a carrot in front of one’s face in order to obtain those goals – or else there is no motive, other than self gratification, and since I have a food addition – I need something other than self gratification to make me full and whole.  I need something else, something to work toward, something tangible.  So here is my game plan:

1. FUCK THE WORLD.  Yep, no more investing time in other people’s crazy agendas being the good guy.  I’m going full self centered and in my own head space for now.  You got a problem, then work it out – I will be working on my own shit.  That is the first major change, because I rush to the aide of people like I am a superhero – not sleeping, making personal sacrifices  and expending myself short of ME time in the process.  That is over, YOUR problems are NOT my problems.  Sorry.  [Repair Mode Activated]

2. Healthy Food Only.  If it doesn’t grow from the Earth, it doesn’t need to go in my mouth.  Yeah, that pretty much eliminates ALL fast food, all processed foods, all things neon orange and cheesy, and anything else for that matter.  If you can’t squeeze it from a fruit, it shouldn’t be in liquid form in a cup.  Green teas, water, or herbal teas will be my new beverages of choice. I will also have TWO vitamin infused drinks a day, and will drink EIGHT glasses of water – EIGHT mandatory glasses as well.

3. 30 minutes MINIMUM of exercise a day.  Yep, we have a huge park and a walking trail not minutes from my house, so use it.  30 minutes walking will do me good each day, and it will be either in the AM before work, or at night.

4. NONE OF THE FOLLOWING IS ALLOWED:  Cigarettes, cola, fast food, processed food, SECOND HAND SMOKE, foods high in sugars, starches, or heavy carbs.

5. THE FOLLOWING IS MANDATORY:  EIGHT glasses of water, TWO vitamin infused drinks a day, and my alternatives are herbal teas – cold or hot.  ONE healthy breakfast, ONE healthy lunch, ONE healthy dinner, and ONE healthy snack.  NO CANDY, COOKIES, ICE CREAM, GUMMY BEARS, WORLDS LARGEST GUMMY BEARS, etc.

6. WEIGHT LOSS:  Your goal is 50+ lbs by SEPTEMBER 1st, 2013.  THIS is because on September 14th, I will be going to Cincinnati to meet Manu Bennet.  This is my reward, my goal, what I am working towards.  If I don’t make the commitment and stick to it, then I fail myself, my trip, and meeting my favorite actor.  It’s a fair way to discipline and regulate myself.

If you are reading this, and you have something NEGATIVE to say to me, don’t.  I don’t want to hear your mouth about my confession here, after all I wrote it out there and you read it – so I already know how self destructive I have been to myself.  THIS IS NOT A PICNIC FOR ME… but change is.  If you want to say something positive or encouraging, then feel free.  The only thing left for me to say  is that I am excited, very excited for change – personal change, because if not then I AM GOING TO DIE.

I’m not quite ready to die yet, even though I am a dumbass.

Sincerely,
Jake A. Wheat