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The Annual Happy New Year Rant!

Jake Wheat

The Annual Happy New Year Rant!

FUThis year was “self-esteem” interrupted, somewhat, when multiple people started talking about how “blunt” I can be, and how some of them could not be friends with me on Facebook because of what people thought.  I took a moment to reflect back on 2012, and discovered that this happened about twice a month, give or take, which meant that I said something to offend someone at least 24 times.  What is my thoughts on this?

Yay.

You see people who are not themselves and cannot be themselves due to self imposed restrictions or “morals,” or some other reason are just playing a game.  They go through life playing house, work, and they play other things too – like life.  You never know what they are saying is true or false, and whether or not you are talking to the real side of them, or the fake one.  Their personas can switch at any time, for instance “don’t tell my Wife, and watch your teeth” can turn into, “don’t know any homos, and them gays shouldn’t be allowed to get married.”  They could be talking about “hitting a fatty at a whack party,” but then turn around and tell you that “we can’t hang out because I am your Supervisor at work.”  Listen, don’t be a dingleberry – it’s 2013, and we put our pants on the same way.

So in 2013 I vow to be controversial, funny, and perverted.  I vow to offend at least three people a month, and cause a shit storm of some kind.  I am going to mix and eat the weirdest combination of Jello flavors I can come up with, and maybe even go on a Jello only fast for a few months.  Maybe I’ll get a sucker tattooed on my forehead, so you can always have a reason to lick me… and if you think that is bad, perhaps you’d like to munch on the corn tattoo I’m getting on my butthole.

So be yourself this 2013, and stop whining about morals and all that other bullshit.  Life is too short, and if you’re not laughing you’re wasting everyone’s time and yours.

HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHES,
JAKE

This Is Not Your Kid’s Halloween Coloring Book (New Awesome Commercial)

A new commercial for my book!  I LOVE IT!!  Order your copy now at www.HalloEvil.com!

SINcerely,
Jake A. Wheat

My Halloween Coloring Book Gets Great Review From SoEntertainMe.biz!

I was pleasantly surprised today to wake up and check my email with a Google Alert with my name regarding a review for my new Halloween Coloring Book for adults!  The review comes from the website “SoEntertain.me” and is well worth the read!  Author Jill Rayburn (Jaz is Jill Rayburn, a professional fan writer and devoted World of Warcraft player) received an advance copy of our book on request, and did a great overview of what we have worked so hard for on this Halloween Coloring Book publication!
We wanted to take the time to share the review with you, our readers, and be sure and drop Jill a line and tell her thank you! :)

I would like to personally thank Jill Rayburn for her excellent review, and the entire staff of SoEntertain.me for being such an excellent website!  You guys are awesome!  I love you! :)

Hauntingly Yours,
Jake A. Wheat

New Commercial For My Halloween Coloring Book For Grown Ups! SNEAK PEEK!

I absolutely adore the new commercial for my new book “This Is Not Your Kid’s Halloween Cowering….er… Coloring Book!”  Three separate animators, and multiple segments were used with a jingle that resembles a vintage Halloween commercial from the 70′s.  I wanted it to bring back the old Halloween memories of the past, where you could get Halloween costumes in a box, and the jingles were cute.  Of course, the animation is CGI – but that is hard to pass up in 2012! :)

Here is my new commercial for you to view:

You can order my Halloween coloring book for grown ups on Amazon.com, just click here!

Another Halloween favorite that I love is of course Disney’s “Donald Duck: Trick or Treat” from 1952, and is absolutely flawless! Trick or Treat is a 1952 American animated short film produced by Walt Disney Productions and released by RKO Radio Pictures. The cartoon, which takes place on Halloween night, follows a series of pranks between Donald Duck and his nephews Huey, Dewey, and Louie who are aided by Witch Hazel. The film was directed by Jack Hannah and features the voices of Clarence Nash as Donald and his nephews, and June Foray as Hazel. The film introduced the song “Trick or Treat for Halloween” which was written by Paul J. Smith and performed by The Mellowmen.

I love Halloween, and I hope that you will order my coloring book if you are a Halloween enthusiast too!  Just because we are grown ups does not mean we cannot be scary spooky kids again for just one night…. or all year long.  After all, you only live once… and then you are undead!

Hauntingly Yours,
Jake A. Wheat

My Cinematic Vin Diesel Dream

It is no shock to people that Vin Diesel is one of my favorite Actors, and I enjoy his work and passion for making art in film, and his other projects which I find inspiring.  By no means am I as successful as he is, but I strive every day to keep my creative self moving forward every day.  In doing so, sometimes in my dreams they become cinematic and play out like a real movie with a full soundtrack, amazing editing, and yes sometimes even credits.

The other night my dream starred Vin Diesel and myself, and the film was action packed and quite amazing in it’s premise, which I will share with you.  I would like to also note that my dream did have some downtime in the middle, which had some “behind the scenes” elements which I will also explain later in this post.

Opening Credits

Our World was under attack.  Not by the type of war between Countries, but instead a war between social classes which were separated into two groups:

1. The elite social class of rulers who wished to isolate themselves with all of the power, riches, and who wished not to have to work for those things.  They craved power, subjected slaves to abuse and murder, and searched for “the renounced,” who were part of the slave rebels who were conspiring against them.

2. The slaves, individuals from another social class branded as the “the renounced,” which were exempt from any social pleasure other than to serve the elite.  They branded each slave with a special skin color (a silver) which was unable to be removed, and those slaves were forced to work in a special area of slavery which consisted of a huge lake, and a hotel – most regal – with one exception, only the elite could enjoy those luxuries and the slaves were forced to cater to them.

Enter me.  Slave.  Painted silver, and unhappy – part of a sophisticated network operation to release the slaves from the elitist power, and stop the slavery operations from continuing.  Not an easy task for one person, but I was a skilled operative in this manner.  I was not the only rebel in this effort, at “The Lake,” a reservoir  for water to serve the elite a underground central operations was being developed to overthrow the elitist groups, and take back civilization to remove the lower class from slavery.

I was part of of “The Renounced” that could not be caught, I had impeccable stealth skills.  Hiding under a network of docks over “the lake,” and using underwater hiding tactics, I was eluding the elite who were hunting me because I was the key to destroying their alliance.  Why was I the key?  Enter Vin Diesel.

Forced into slavery, and branded silver, he was brought waterside and forced to labor on the docks bringing fresh water for the use of the elitists at “The Hotel,” but this man was different, he had a ring. When he was near the lake, it gave off a slight glow, which was noticed by me, and also by him – but seemed to be ignored by the elitist guards. Vin chucked the ring into the lake, which then was noticed by one of the guards, and he was immediately beaten.  As I was under the docks, the elitist guards stood over me as I hid from them, and one guard ordered “The Lake” to be drained immediately.  There was something about this “ring” that he possessed, something they wanted, and you could see worry and concern in their faces.

I swam under the water, ignoring the draining water, and moving towards the glowing light underneath that gave the location of this ring, and picked it up and concealed it in my pocket. I made my way back underneath a dock, where other guards were standing above.  One heard me, and they lowered themselves under the dock to find out where the noise was coming from.  I wedged myself to the roof of the dock, hands and feet holding my body tight against the roof of the dock as they looked underneath seeing nothing in the water below.  Nothing, I was hidden from view.  Frustrated, they watched as the lake drained to an empty reservoir, and teams moved in to search for the ring.

I removed myself from under the docks, and made my way to the beaten Vin Diesel who was left chained to the side of the now empty lake, and approached him.  He was aloof, dazed, and not in a good mood.

CUT

As the Director called CUT, I was sitting next to Vin Diesel and surrounded by everything from make-up, props, someone wanting to change out the “ring” to the real ring from the underwater stunt ring, and everyone was running around like crazy.  The water tank used for the underwater sequences went to three huge tanks, and began refilling the “lake.”  For whatever reason, interrupting Vin at this point was not a good idea, he seemed to be distracted by production issues which forced him to take an alpha male approach to getting the production back on track.  I was itchy being painted silver, and was also cold.  A crew member wrapped me in a towel, and handed me a cup of hot sweet cinnamon spice herbal tea.  I thanked them, and then another man from make-up came over and began to airbrush my skin with some more silver makeup, which had been removed from the water.

The prop ring was emerald with an insignia, and had a gold band.  It was larger than my finger, which was accommodated by a latex ring insert which made it fit.  I was asked to hold onto it, because I would need it for my next scene.  Vin interjected that the ring needed to be returned to props, and was quite vocal about it being cared for.  It was removed from my finger, and then it was given to a gentleman who whisked it away.  I was still being painted silver.

Vin gave me a smile, and laughed “that water is cold isn’t it?”  I just grinned, and laughed back.

“I’m having a blast, so no complaints here.”  He just smiled back, gave me a thumbs up, and by that time we were told to go back to one, and repeat the sequence.  AGAIN the lake was filled, I was placed back on my mark under the dock, cameras were rolling and they called action.

We repeated the scene, including my dive down into the water to retrieve the stunt ring.

This scene was completed, only this time I made it to Vin and was able to hand him the ring (as we were rolling) and he placed it back on his finger, and took out two of the elitist guards.  I stabbed two of them with a makeshift knife I had made from the metal under the dock, and both of us took off running towards the hotel.  CUT.

I retired to my trailer, and had time to rest.  There was no signs of life from anyone but a production assistant who brought me more tea, and asked if I needed anything else.  I thanked her, but said no, and politely went about sitting in a robe in a warm trailer watching Animal Planet on TV.  About an hour later (time lapse) there was a knock, and I was needed on set.  I followed them to the hotel sequence, and was given a metal tray.  I was, so it seemed reduced to my role in slavery to serve the elite (movies are never filmed in sequence) and makeup was all over me with airbrushes, wardrobe switched out my outfit, I was dry as a bone and ready for the next few takes.

ACTION

Walking down a hall, I turned and was given orders to bring dinner to the top floor.  The Executive Elite wished to see me, and I was escorted to an elevator with neon lights that highlighted the corners.  Moving up in the elevator, it stopped midway and from the roof of the elevator came Vin Diesel armed with some kind of gun and the elevator resumed it’s climb.

“You take out the guys when the doors open, and I’ll handle the rest.”  He winked at me, I nodded back.  The doors opened, and I took out the two guards with a quick swift jab from right to left, severing the jugular veins and watching them drop to the floor, in front of us was a golden door which had the same insignia as the ring on Vin’s finger.  From here, the film’s climax began to unfold as Vin and I began to free the slaves in a head to head combat with the Elite class.  The renounced rebelled, formulating various plots to clear the hotel of Elitist movements, and to bring equality to all of the renounced slaves.

The ring’s significance was to unlock a vast clockwork mechanism that was hidden underground, but it’s “key hole” or “place to insert the ring to put the clockwork in motion” was behind the doors where we took out the VIP elite.

As the clockwork set in motion, slaves from all parts of the “Hotel” were set free, and immediately made their way to the water to wash off their markings and silver paint.  It was very liberating to watch, and the dream dissolved from there into just regular credits.

One of the things I recall the most about my dream was Vin’s demeanor during filming, which was very controlling.  He wasn’t rude, but he had a vision and he was very set on it.  It was OCD/Perfectionist and very direct – I enjoyed working with him on this project, and even though it was a dream, I seriously felt as if we had accomplished something quite creative.

As of now the plot and script is pretty weak, simply because my dream did not allow me to see the full film.  However, thinking back I am sure that it could be embellished upon and could become something wonderful.

Who knows?  Dreams do happen.

Sincerely,
Jake A. Wheat